What did we do last night that was yellow?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
