I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
