I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
