Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
