I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
