He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
