Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
