Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
