Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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