why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
