yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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