Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
