Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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