I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
