Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
