So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
