Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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