Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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