are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
