I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
