first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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