airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
