these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
