Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
