I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
