spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
