The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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