I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
