Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
