We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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