well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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