Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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