I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
