I wish I could teleport
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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