Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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