There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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