They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
