so explain again why im purple
no
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
