Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
