meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
