we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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