i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
