direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
