I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
