he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
