As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
