Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Randomize
