That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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