i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
