The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
