At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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